In the Beginning

Oil on Canvas 24×36 inches. Painted in 2015



 The hardest work I have ever done is to unburden the child. My child has many experiences, ugly experiences, and the work for me was to go back, to embrace the little boy that suffered so much.

I cut a slit in my heart and I wait for what?

For all my pain to seep out.

Shame, guilt, terror, rage; emotions I had gathered as a child.

A blanket of darkness.

Through the child I learn about myself, about who I am. The child is the true warrior; he survived, he struggled, he fought, was repeatedly pushed down and assaulted, but he also got up, brushed himself off, and moved. It is through the child I can be in relationship with myself, a relationship I haven’t experienced before, a good relationship cleared of hatred and blame.

I know from the inside that I came to this birth innocent.

I am worthy, I am kind, and I am good.

I trust myself, I take care of myself.

I know how to be safe and connected.

With my little boy, I can return to that original place anytime, for it is within me.

A light, a feather that cannot be extinguished.


writing & artwork by Paul Shilling


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